Thought Catalog: Why we Hold on Tightest to the Things that Aren't Meant For Us

"Because letting go has little to do with giving somebody permission to leave our lives, or declare that they don’t love us anymore, or walk away for good, and everything to do with accepting that they already have.


I don’t know about fate. But I do know the things that are ours don’t require us to mentally and emotionally latch onto them to remain. That the best things are never forced, are never created out of ultimatum, never leave us reeling and questioning them for months or years at a time.


I do know that you cannot prove how much you love by how much you’re pained over loss. That you do not prove your character by how well you can convince other people you’re doing the right thing.

And I do know that it’s never the love that hurts you, it’s the attachment to the idea of what it’s supposed to be and how long it’s supposed to be it for. I do know that we will never be able to find real love unless we learn to detach from what it should be. I do know that we’re never going to find true happiness until we do the same. I do know that nothing here lasts, and the idea that it does is an illusion — we eventually lose everything, every last thing we have and are and own."

--Brianna West

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it."
— Rumi

“We assume others show love the same way we do — and if they don’t, we worry it’s not there.”

Thank you. Lessons from the article Momma shared on my Facebook wall

7 Signs You're Hanging around the Wrong Crowd

"You need to know that everyone deserves love and respect without terms and conditions.  Everyone has a right to live their life the way they want.  Everyone has the right to be happy without feeling guilty.  No one has the right to hurt anyone.  No one deserves abuse of any kind.  No one is not good enough to be exactly who they are.  And yes, this includes YOU." 

"This is your life.  You may not be able to control all the things people do to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.  You can decide not to let their actions and opinions invade your heart and mind.  And above all, you can decide whom to walk beside into tomorrow, and whom to leave behind today." 

"Always keep in mind, first and foremost, that you have to treat yourself the way you want others to treat you.  The amount of abuse you tolerate in your relationships is often equal to the amount of abuse you heap on yourself."

7.  They aren’t there for you when you need them most.

"Surround yourself with those who believe in you, encourage you, and are willing to support you when it rains, not just when it shines.  It’s during the toughest times of your life that you’ll get to see the true colors of the people who say they care about you.  So don’t make too much time for people who rarely make time for you, or who only make time for you when it’s convenient for them.  Know your worth."

This is something that I am really beginning to learn and become more conscious and aware of. To keep and maintain relationships of people who are genuine and committed and to let go of the relationships that are anything but. 

To tell myself

To let go of relationships 

and the ideas of what I think the person and the relationship is

That is powerful. 

“I know better now, and so I am trying to do better. It is painful because the old ways are so comfortable but I know in my heart that pain is the only thing that will bloom if I go backwards and plant the same seeds I always did.

I want to feel the sun kiss my skin, and watch the light grow inside of me. So yes, I know better, and yes I will try to do better. I will trust that this uncomfortable feeling will fade into peace, and I will be one step closer to being free in me.

I am letting go of many things, thoughts, feelings, and people that have weighed me down until the water filled my lungs. I am learning how to breathe again without them, and it feels bittersweet but I know this is what is right for me.

I won’t explain or justify myself to anyone. I will live out my life with joy, with peace, with honesty, and I will not let anything unravel me again.

This is my story, and beautiful things will be written in each page. The light will soak into my words, and I will come alive in each chapter. No more holding back. No more pleasing you. No more making myself small to make you more. 

I am here, and I am going to take up space. I am going to live.

”

—    Dele Olanubi

Seattle, Washington

biking
dogs
weather
walking
public transit
conversation
flowers
produce
bakeries
fruits
veggies
love
my home. <3 

Receiving lesson: Grief and Pain as a necessary Pathway to Acceptance

When you honor the full sweep of your emotions
For the purpose of practicing acceptance
and giving full voice to a violation
"You're likely to experience many losses at this time-
losses regarding the way you know yourself
and the person who harmed you,
losses regarding the way you think about people
and the world you live in.
Whatever is gone and changed has to be acknowledged
                            and grieved"

"...[A]s for all of us, the ability to empathize with ourselves- to feel for our own suffering, to know what we have endured- is a critical step in becoming whole again"

(Learned from "How Can I Forgive You?"- Janis Abrahms Spring p. 56)